Gender Roles Are an Important Part of Who We Are

Gender will not simply disappear for the comfort of others. The leather of my corset creaks as I lean forward, and I watch my submissive’s eyes widen. “Yes, Mistress,” he whispers, and in those two words lives an entire universe of negotiated power. Evidently, want to tell me that “Mistress” is outdated? That gendered terms have no place in our enlightened future? Then you fundamentally misunderstand what power is, what consent requires, and what it means to name yourself in a world that would rather you stay silent.

I am a Femdom Mistress, not a “dominant” or a “top”, but simply a Mistress, well a Hybrid Mistress. That word carries weight, history, and specificity that your sanitized alternatives cannot touch. When my submissive calls me Mistress, he acknowledges my femininity as the source of my power over him. He submits not just to dominance in the abstract, but especially to female dominance, and the subversion of every patriarchal expectation he was raised with.

That Specificity Is Not Incidental. It Is the Entire Point!

In BDSM, consent is architecture. First, we build elaborate structures of negotiated desire, and therefore, language is our blueprint. When someone seeks a Mistress rather than a Master, they are communicating something essential about their submission, their fantasies, their boundaries. Therefore, when a femme submissive wants to be called “good gurl,” she is asking for gender identity to be part of her vulnerability. This allow us to construct scenes with precision, and to honor the specific flavors of power exchange that make us feel alive. Strip away gendered language and you strip away our ability to consent with clarity. You force them into vague approximations of our desires. You ask them to pretend that “person” and “individual” carry the same erotic charge as “Sir” or “Ma’am”.

No Negotiation, That Loss of Precision is Dangerous

Altogether, this isn’t just about kink. On the contrary, this is about every trans woman who fought to be called “woman” without qualifiers and every trans man who demanded “he” and “him” and “brother”. Every non-binary person who carved out “they” and “them” in a language that resisted their existence. My trans sisters didn’t survive violence, discrimination, and erasure just to be told that “woman” is outdated terminology. They fought for that word, bled for it, and some died for it.

Wrapped in the language of progress, rather than accepting, you want them to surrender it? To accept that their hard-won woman or manhood should dissolve into neutral nothingness? The LGBTQIA2S+ community certainly knows what it means to be denied language. Before anyone was “out”, and for decades, they couldn’t say “wife” or “husband.” They couldn’t say “married.” There were “partners”, “roommates”, and “friends,” the relationships diminished by the refusal to name them “properly”.

Many Fought for the Right to Use the Same Gendered, Specific, Powerful Terms…

They fought and won, partially, bloodily, and incompletely. Now you want them to give those terms back? You call it evolution, but it is to recognize it as erasure wearing the progressive mask. Here’s what you don’t understand: outdated language isn’t about the words themselves. On the contrary, it’s about who gets to define them. “Woman” isn’t outdated—patriarchal definitions of womanhood are outdated.

“Man” isn’t the problem, toxic masculinity is the problem. The solution isn’t to abandon these terms. It’s to reclaim them, redefine them, and wield them as weapons of self-determination. When I call myself Mistress, I am not upholding patriarchy. I am perverting it. I am taking feminine power and making it explicit, undeniable, and dominant. When my trans friends claim their genders, they are not reinforcing binaries, they are asserting their right to name themselves in a world that would prefer they didn’t exist at all.

Gender-neutral Language Has its Place

Non-binary identities deserve recognition and respect. However, the answer to expanding our language is not to contract it. We don’t liberate people by taking away their words. We don’t create inclusion by demanding that everyone disappear into the same beige neutrality. You want to know what’s truly outdated? The idea that marginalized communities should make themselves smaller, quieter, less specific to make others comfortable. The notion that our liberation requires our erasure. My trans sisters are women and trans brothers are men. My non-binary family are exactly who they say they are. We will use the gender roles they fought for, and they will not disappear for your comfort.

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